Letter to Cathie from Ford Killen
Title
Letter to Cathie from Ford Killen
Description
Starts by describing his desire to be with her. Continues with long rambling description of his feelings, thoughts and activities. Mentions meeting a buddy and talking over times in England. Concludes saying how miserable he had been not hearing from her.
Creator
Date
1947-12-03
Temporal Coverage
Language
Format
Four-page handwritten letter
Publisher
Rights
This content is available under a CC BY-NC 4.0 International license (Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0). It has been published ‘as is’ and may contain inaccuracies or culturally inappropriate references that do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the University of Lincoln or the International Bomber Command Centre. For more information, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/ and https://ibccdigitalarchive.lincoln.ac.uk/omeka/legal.
Contributor
Identifier
EKillenFReidKM471203
Transcription
[United States Army Air Forces crest]
[circled 1]
Monday nite [sic]
Dec. 3, 1947
My dearest darling Cathie:
What a night I’ve had – what a weekend I’ve had – going around in circles – it’s so long a story that I’ll pass it up now.
All that I can think of now is this maddening, pounding desire for you – nothing in this world is going to be right or satisfy me until I hear you say “I do!” And I mean “I do!” Darling, have you ever felt that each minute, each hour away from someone was torture – hell? Dammit, I’m raving like a mad-man – a derelict, but when you’ve got an uncontrollable force within you shouting and crying for someone, there is nothing to do. Nothing to control it; it can’t be nurtured.
If you were to say that you didn’t want me any more – that you no longer loved me I would have nothing to live for. I’ve built all my dreams, my hopes, everything…. around the vision of a smiling girl with twinkling eyes – a mite of a lassie with a heart of
(OVER)
[page break]
[circled 2]
gold and a personality of sunshine. When I go out with anyone else it only serves to show me how inadequate any other girl would be; it only serves to enhance your own dear self – a spirit of England; determination’ doggedness and humility. “In a world where England is finished and dead
“I do not wish to live –“
What’s all this bickering? Petty grievances aired & reaired – two nations that can’t get along except in war – then they are the closest of Allies. Both countries should receive resound spankings and wake up to the fact that an alliance in peace is more necessary than during a time of conflict. ‘Nuff of that philosophy.
I hope, my darling, that you shall have received my letter which I addressed in such haste that I placed an incorrect address (or an insufficient one) or both –
There is so much that I want to say – I’ll begin with my weekend
[page break]
(3)
An old buddy of mine from Norway whom I knew at Cranwell when I was attending the RAF school there, is now living in New Jersey. He contacted me & got his fiancee to drive him out. He also brought along his fiancee’s sister as a companion for me. His girl was very nice, but her sister was a cold snob – maybe that’s my impression – that’s the way she stacks up against your assets. She’s a schoolteacher (both are) and [underlined] veddy veddy veddy [sic] [/underlined]!
But Finn & I talked over the old times in England; we had a lot to say – pro & con – about England – con weather – pro – London, you, etc. etc.
Perhaps Kitty – she was quite elderly – didn’t hit it off so well with me because I kept talking about – guess who? You –
I told you in my other letter that I have been putting my money in the bank. Today I deposited $50
[page break]
[circled 4]
more toward the day when you will be here. My heart has been too big. I’ve loaned money; given it away and “burnt” it, but all that is over now. I’m going to stretch every nickel before I part with it if it means you can get here that way.
Darling, Darling, Darling, I’ve been so miserable these last few weeks – not hearing from you – trying to perform my extra-curricular duties, plus the Beacon, which I am now handling alone and which keeps me confined to the base & my office. I lost my associate editor and also my sports editor through discharge from the service, and the entire burden is mine, I have one WAC photographer. Not much help in the literary end of the paper.
I’m beginning to hate the paper, because it takes all my time & leaves less time to write to you & [deleted] makes an [/deleted]
Sending other letter – so will cut this short – All my love
forever
Heathcliff
[circled 1]
Monday nite [sic]
Dec. 3, 1947
My dearest darling Cathie:
What a night I’ve had – what a weekend I’ve had – going around in circles – it’s so long a story that I’ll pass it up now.
All that I can think of now is this maddening, pounding desire for you – nothing in this world is going to be right or satisfy me until I hear you say “I do!” And I mean “I do!” Darling, have you ever felt that each minute, each hour away from someone was torture – hell? Dammit, I’m raving like a mad-man – a derelict, but when you’ve got an uncontrollable force within you shouting and crying for someone, there is nothing to do. Nothing to control it; it can’t be nurtured.
If you were to say that you didn’t want me any more – that you no longer loved me I would have nothing to live for. I’ve built all my dreams, my hopes, everything…. around the vision of a smiling girl with twinkling eyes – a mite of a lassie with a heart of
(OVER)
[page break]
[circled 2]
gold and a personality of sunshine. When I go out with anyone else it only serves to show me how inadequate any other girl would be; it only serves to enhance your own dear self – a spirit of England; determination’ doggedness and humility. “In a world where England is finished and dead
“I do not wish to live –“
What’s all this bickering? Petty grievances aired & reaired – two nations that can’t get along except in war – then they are the closest of Allies. Both countries should receive resound spankings and wake up to the fact that an alliance in peace is more necessary than during a time of conflict. ‘Nuff of that philosophy.
I hope, my darling, that you shall have received my letter which I addressed in such haste that I placed an incorrect address (or an insufficient one) or both –
There is so much that I want to say – I’ll begin with my weekend
[page break]
(3)
An old buddy of mine from Norway whom I knew at Cranwell when I was attending the RAF school there, is now living in New Jersey. He contacted me & got his fiancee to drive him out. He also brought along his fiancee’s sister as a companion for me. His girl was very nice, but her sister was a cold snob – maybe that’s my impression – that’s the way she stacks up against your assets. She’s a schoolteacher (both are) and [underlined] veddy veddy veddy [sic] [/underlined]!
But Finn & I talked over the old times in England; we had a lot to say – pro & con – about England – con weather – pro – London, you, etc. etc.
Perhaps Kitty – she was quite elderly – didn’t hit it off so well with me because I kept talking about – guess who? You –
I told you in my other letter that I have been putting my money in the bank. Today I deposited $50
[page break]
[circled 4]
more toward the day when you will be here. My heart has been too big. I’ve loaned money; given it away and “burnt” it, but all that is over now. I’m going to stretch every nickel before I part with it if it means you can get here that way.
Darling, Darling, Darling, I’ve been so miserable these last few weeks – not hearing from you – trying to perform my extra-curricular duties, plus the Beacon, which I am now handling alone and which keeps me confined to the base & my office. I lost my associate editor and also my sports editor through discharge from the service, and the entire burden is mine, I have one WAC photographer. Not much help in the literary end of the paper.
I’m beginning to hate the paper, because it takes all my time & leaves less time to write to you & [deleted] makes an [/deleted]
Sending other letter – so will cut this short – All my love
forever
Heathcliff
Collection
Citation
F Killen, “Letter to Cathie from Ford Killen,” IBCC Digital Archive, accessed April 27, 2024, https://ibccdigitalarchive.lincoln.ac.uk/omeka/collections/document/39866.
Item Relations
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