'Tale End Albert' by Harry Holmes
Title
'Tale End Albert' by Harry Holmes
Description
A humorous poem about a rear gunner in the style of Albert and the Lion by Marriott Edgar made popular by Stanley Holloway.
Creator
Spatial Coverage
Language
Format
Two typewritten pages
Publisher
Rights
This content is available under a CC BY-NC 4.0 International license (Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0). It has been published ‘as is’ and may contain inaccuracies or culturally inappropriate references that do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the University of Lincoln or the International Bomber Command Centre. For more information, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/ and https://ibccdigitalarchive.lincoln.ac.uk/omeka/legal.
Identifier
MTowersG2205169-151002-030001, MTowersG2205169-151002-030002
Transcription
[underlined] TALE END ALBERT
BY
HARRY HOLMES (RAF) [/underlined]
AH’LL TELL THEE A TALE OF YOUNG ALBERT
WHAT’E DID UP ALOFT ALL ALONE
IN T’TAIL OF A HALIFAX BOMBER
THAT WENT ON A RAID TO COLOGNE.
T.GROU’N CREW SPENT ALL THE MORNING
IN STUFFIN UP AIRCRAFT WI’ BOMBS
T’CREW PUT ON ALL THEIR WARM CLOTHING
YOUNG ALBERT `AD TWO PAIR O’COMBS.
A COMICAL FIGURE WAS ALBERT
BY THE TIME PREPERATIONS [SIC] WERE DONE
E’D IS STICK WITH ITS `ORSES EAD ANDLE’
TO POKE OUT THROUGH T’OLE IN IS GUN.
E’AD `ELMET AND GOGGLES AND GAUNTLETS
FLYIN’ BOOTS FUR LINED SUIT `N’ MAE WEST
IS POCKETS `ED STUFFED FULL OF `UMBUGS
`EED A LARGE PARACHUTE ON HIS CHEST.
WHEN HE TRIED TO GET INTO `IS TURRET
E, WERE TOO WIDE TO GET THROUGH THE HOLE
T’ ENGINEER OFFICER HAD TO BE SUMMONED
TO LEVER `IM IN WITH A POLE.
T’ BOMBER TOOK OFF RATHER SUDDEN
YOUNG ALBERT WAS SORTIN IS GEAR
WHEN TURRET FLOOR CAME UP `N’ HIT `IM
AN `ELL OF A CLOUT ON HIS EAR.
WHEN BOMBER WAS O’ER THE TARGET
YOUNG ALBERT CAME TOO WI’ A START
FOR A SAMPLE FROM KRUPPS WORKS AT ESSEN
AD’ IT IM’ IN TENDEREST PART
[page break]
THIS WERE NOT ALTOGETHER SURPRISING
FOR AS SOON AS THE BOMBING BEGUN
THE OLE OF THE GERMAN DEFENCES
WERE CHUCKING UP MUCK BY THE TONNE.
AT THAT MOMENT UP CAME A NIGHT FIGHTER
ALBERTS MOUTH BECAME SUDDENLY DRY
SO `E POPPED IN A BLOODY GREAT `UMBUG
SHUT `IS EYES, TOOK AIM AND LET FLY
PILOT SHOUTED WHATS `E DOING AT BACKEND?
WHEN `E `EARD GUN GO OFF LIKE A BLIZZARD
IN ALBERT DID NOWT BUT GURGLE-
`UMBUG `AD STUCK IN `IS GIZZARD
E’ KEPT FIRIN IS GUN AT THE FIGHTER
WHILE E’ COUGHED AND ENDEVOURED TO TALK
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE `UMBUG
SHOT OUT OF HIS MOUTH LIKE A CORK
JERRY PILOT WERE ALL UNSUSPECTIN’
OF MISSILE APPROACHING ITS GOAL
T’UMBUG THEN STRUCK ‘IM ON SIDE OF’ IS NODDLE
AND HIS AIRCRAFT FELL OUT OF CONTROL
`OH+ GOOD SHOW’ SAID PILOT TO ALBERT
THERE `AINT NO GUNNER LIKE THEE
AND WHEN WE GET BACK TO THE AIRFIELD
AH’LL GIVE THEE AN EGG FOR THA’ TEA
BUT WHEN THEY GOT BACK THEY DISCOVERED
WERE’NT ANY EGGS TO BE `AD
SO THEY WENT TO CONSULT THE GROUP CAPTAIN
AS TO `OW TO REWARD THE BRAVE LAD
D.F.M. IT WERE NOT THOUGHT SUFFICIENT
THEY WERE ALL IN A BIT OF A JAM
TIL’ AT LAST THEY DECIDED TO GIVE `IM
A LOVELY GREAT PLATEFUL OF SPAM.
BY
HARRY HOLMES (RAF) [/underlined]
AH’LL TELL THEE A TALE OF YOUNG ALBERT
WHAT’E DID UP ALOFT ALL ALONE
IN T’TAIL OF A HALIFAX BOMBER
THAT WENT ON A RAID TO COLOGNE.
T.GROU’N CREW SPENT ALL THE MORNING
IN STUFFIN UP AIRCRAFT WI’ BOMBS
T’CREW PUT ON ALL THEIR WARM CLOTHING
YOUNG ALBERT `AD TWO PAIR O’COMBS.
A COMICAL FIGURE WAS ALBERT
BY THE TIME PREPERATIONS [SIC] WERE DONE
E’D IS STICK WITH ITS `ORSES EAD ANDLE’
TO POKE OUT THROUGH T’OLE IN IS GUN.
E’AD `ELMET AND GOGGLES AND GAUNTLETS
FLYIN’ BOOTS FUR LINED SUIT `N’ MAE WEST
IS POCKETS `ED STUFFED FULL OF `UMBUGS
`EED A LARGE PARACHUTE ON HIS CHEST.
WHEN HE TRIED TO GET INTO `IS TURRET
E, WERE TOO WIDE TO GET THROUGH THE HOLE
T’ ENGINEER OFFICER HAD TO BE SUMMONED
TO LEVER `IM IN WITH A POLE.
T’ BOMBER TOOK OFF RATHER SUDDEN
YOUNG ALBERT WAS SORTIN IS GEAR
WHEN TURRET FLOOR CAME UP `N’ HIT `IM
AN `ELL OF A CLOUT ON HIS EAR.
WHEN BOMBER WAS O’ER THE TARGET
YOUNG ALBERT CAME TOO WI’ A START
FOR A SAMPLE FROM KRUPPS WORKS AT ESSEN
AD’ IT IM’ IN TENDEREST PART
[page break]
THIS WERE NOT ALTOGETHER SURPRISING
FOR AS SOON AS THE BOMBING BEGUN
THE OLE OF THE GERMAN DEFENCES
WERE CHUCKING UP MUCK BY THE TONNE.
AT THAT MOMENT UP CAME A NIGHT FIGHTER
ALBERTS MOUTH BECAME SUDDENLY DRY
SO `E POPPED IN A BLOODY GREAT `UMBUG
SHUT `IS EYES, TOOK AIM AND LET FLY
PILOT SHOUTED WHATS `E DOING AT BACKEND?
WHEN `E `EARD GUN GO OFF LIKE A BLIZZARD
IN ALBERT DID NOWT BUT GURGLE-
`UMBUG `AD STUCK IN `IS GIZZARD
E’ KEPT FIRIN IS GUN AT THE FIGHTER
WHILE E’ COUGHED AND ENDEVOURED TO TALK
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE `UMBUG
SHOT OUT OF HIS MOUTH LIKE A CORK
JERRY PILOT WERE ALL UNSUSPECTIN’
OF MISSILE APPROACHING ITS GOAL
T’UMBUG THEN STRUCK ‘IM ON SIDE OF’ IS NODDLE
AND HIS AIRCRAFT FELL OUT OF CONTROL
`OH+ GOOD SHOW’ SAID PILOT TO ALBERT
THERE `AINT NO GUNNER LIKE THEE
AND WHEN WE GET BACK TO THE AIRFIELD
AH’LL GIVE THEE AN EGG FOR THA’ TEA
BUT WHEN THEY GOT BACK THEY DISCOVERED
WERE’NT ANY EGGS TO BE `AD
SO THEY WENT TO CONSULT THE GROUP CAPTAIN
AS TO `OW TO REWARD THE BRAVE LAD
D.F.M. IT WERE NOT THOUGHT SUFFICIENT
THEY WERE ALL IN A BIT OF A JAM
TIL’ AT LAST THEY DECIDED TO GIVE `IM
A LOVELY GREAT PLATEFUL OF SPAM.
Collection
Citation
Harry Holmes, “'Tale End Albert' by Harry Holmes,” IBCC Digital Archive, accessed October 9, 2026, https://ibccdigitalarchive.lincoln.ac.uk/collections/document/44434.